But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
