talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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