I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
