I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
