Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
