i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
