I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
