GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
