she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
