it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
