So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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