That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
