In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
