Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
