i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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