brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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