After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
