i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
