Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
