I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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