That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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