You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
