You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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