How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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