I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my shit smells like andre
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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