My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
