I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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