The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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