You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I wish there were birth control emojis
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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