Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
