Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
