playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
