i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
