I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize