We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
