Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How does it feel to date your dad?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
