chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
