i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize