First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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