obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
