I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
