i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
