I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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