Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I have aggressive nipples.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
