guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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