Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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