Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
