It was confusing and full of hummus
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
