I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
