So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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