my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
