Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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