This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
