My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
