It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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