Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
