No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
