I wish my penis had an off switch
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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