is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i love accidental penises.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize