i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
