It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
