i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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