I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
