i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
