if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
