good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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